Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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