We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
