I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
