Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
