just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
