I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
