He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
