where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
