you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
