video games are the ultimate cock blocker
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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