Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
