I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
