Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
