even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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