Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Randomize
