I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
