well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
