He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
