Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
