were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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