I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
