something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
