just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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