I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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