My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
