Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
