I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
