you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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