did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
