you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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