I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
