after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize