Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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