I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
