yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
