Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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