That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
