I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
