She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
