didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
