just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No...this little piggys going to the bar
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
