based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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