that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
