You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
