Define "chronic" masturbator.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize