I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
