You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's shark week go big or go home
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
