i permit you to call me
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
