3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
