dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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