I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
