this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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