I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
