At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
