Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
