Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
