Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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