.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
