He uses pillows to masturbate.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
