I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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