you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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