Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
