And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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