Say something about gay babies.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
