I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
