Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
