Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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