I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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