yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
