please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
