If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
